Matt

Matt
Vital statistics
Class	Skript Kiddie
Gender	Male
Race	Human
Faction	Team Net Gain
Level	2
Power Source	Smartphone
Feats	{{{feats}}}
At Will Abilities	{{{at will abilities}}}
Encounter Abilities	{{{encounter abilities}}}
Daily Abilities	{{{daily abilities}}}
Fortitude	{{{fortitude}}}
Reflex	{{{reflex}}}
Will	{{{will}}}
Modifiers	Agility, Zone
Weapons	Max Roivas' Own Sabre, Incredibly Shitty Spear
Weapons Training	{{{weapons training}}}
Armour	{{{armour}}}
Equipment	{{{equipment}}}
Status	Lost and Confused (but moreso than before)
Companions	{{{companions}}}

Statistics

Fortitude: 1

Reflex: 0

Will: 0

Initiative: 0

HP: 11 (10 + Fort)

AC: 10 (10 + Reflex)

MC: 10 (10 + Will)

Speed: 5

Agility: 2 (Training + Reflex + 1/2 level)

Athletics: 1 (Fortitude + 1/2 level)

Social: 0 (1/2 level)

Perception: 0 (1/2 level)

Zone: 2 (Training + 1/2 level + Will)

Items: Stilt, sword, spear, smartphone

Training

Reasonable quantity of formal swordsmanship training, computer science degree

Abilities

Programs on Pnone:

Angry Birds
Foursquare
Bump
App Inventor
App Combiner

To-Do List:

Flashlight
Text Editor
Ninja And/Or Stealth-Based Game Of Some Sort
WoW Armoury Character Lookup

Known App Combiner Effects:

Bump + Angry Birds = Polymorph (complete with heals!)
Bump + Foursquare = Arrow to target. What the shit does this do for me?
Angry Birds + Foursquare = Shoot birds at bitches, bitches!

Dream Sequences

Dream the First: After the party

I remember being at the Halloween party, and that huge bitch (Bluh! Bluh!) killed mostly everyone. But I'm not sure at that point which part happened and which part I dreamed. I remember going through her portal too, and then another. Of course she just had to be there too, didn't she?

Wherever we went, it was dark. I'm falling. Given the laughing faces in the wall, I have a feeling I know where I am. I don't think they ought to be trying to bite at me though; not that it stops them. My attempts to kick off a wall to at least put some distance between me and them leave me short a leg. They say you shouldn't feel things in dreams, something about your brain not quite being able to simulate nerve input right; that's why pinching yourself always wakes you up. That never worked for me.

The spikes I'm expecting at the bottom of my fall are replaced by a pit of coals. It's deep. Too deep. I'm buried and it burns and I can't breathe and FUCK I WANT TO WAKE UP, WHY CAN'T I WAKE UP? At least I burn before I suffocate.

I awaken in a mud hut, unhurt and horribly frightened. Where am I?

Dream the Second: First night in Tir Na Nog

I'm on the ramparts of a castle. I'm at least not terrified yet, so I suppose I'm supposed to be here. At least there's that much.

I don't fear the biker gang riding up like I should. Nor do I question it, but that isn't anything out of the ordinary. Of all things, they throw what appear to be pokeballs at me. It would have to be Charmander that popped out, wouldn't it? Not even the Goddamn common courtesy to mix things up a little. Nope. I'm getting immolated again. Fuck you, subconscious.

My arm is ablaze. It hurts as you might expect. Incongruously, I'm permitted to fight back. My phone manifests an arm and chokes the little fucker. I can't throw Charmander off the side as I have no control over the phantom limb, but at least I can pummel it a bit. It frees itself right around the time a Cubone pops out behind me. Crunch. Sizzle.

I awaken in the forest where I fell asleep. At least there's that much.

Dream the Third: After Carrying the Companion Cube

The cube opens. There's a portal gun in there, and one active blue portal. The Aperture Science facility is recognizable on the other side. For whatever stupid reason the dream chooses to justify it with, one of us is going in there. Joe hates Portal apparently, and Erica seems convinced she isn't any good at it. She's wrong, but I never could convince her of that. Either way, it won't be one of those two going, so it'll go to either me or Dallas. Dallas does love Portal more than I do, though I've always been the more bullheaded of the two of us. I'll probably get farther than he will and he knows it, but we play rock paper scissors for it anyway. I win. Of course I do, it's my dream, isn't it? I grab the gun and hop through.

There's an emancipation grid on the other side, and I'm actually mildly shocked when it doesn't take my teeth or knees or something. I reach for my pocket, and shockingly, it's even left me with Annie. There aren't any boots though, so this is going to be the opposite of that much fun if I have to do anything with momentum. WHEN I have to do anything with momentum because let's be honest here. It's only then that I realize the grid has taken the portal gun from me. What shit is this? A portal promptly opens on the far wall. Lacking anything better to do, I take it.

I am in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. I'm offered the choice of north, south, east, or west. I elect to go to lunch. I know I'm burning oldfag cred here, but seriously, fuck this. I'd have preferred Cave Johnson to Cave Adventure, Colossal or otherwise. But if I'm going to be stuck in some manner of cave-related game, can I at least get some Mimigas up ins? No, probably not. Oddly enough, Lunch parses as a valid exit.

I'm in a newsstand at the intersection of Coal Avenue and Piper Lane. Better game, granted, but I'd still rather not be here. I stroll out and take the hidden ladder down. This'll be unpleasant, but at least it ought to get me awake in short order. Unfortunately, my scene-transitioning luck holds, and the exit I took lets out into another game. Hopefuly my luck with word-association at least gets better.

Wherever I am, it's too dark to see. I get my phone out. I really wish I'd been less of a slacker and made myself a flashlight, but it's too late for that now. I turn on the screen, wince when I see my low battery, and look around. There's too much ASCII to make sense of and it hurts my brain a little. So much for luck. Annie doesn't seem to like it either. She plays a song from one of those shitty boy bands. I can never remember which, and even if I could control her right now, I couldn't be assed to look it up. At the first chorus where they start chanting "Bye, Bye, Bye" she turns off. I think I'm grateful.

It is dark. I am eaten by a grue.